a few things happened today
which made me feel like such a horrible person.
and i can't believe i tried to redeem myself by putting a donation in for the legacy appeal.

i really hate myself right now
i hate the horrible and mean things i actually think about, let alone say out loud
i present myself as such an irrational person
but deep down, i do think about my actions - like right now
and i regret so much..
i truly do.

*

i had an argument with a "friend" yesterday
everyone actually refuses to see the good in you
and i.. so innocently refused to listen to others
i absolutely hate it when people think they know me
my s/o told me that..'he' was just angry
which led him to say some of the things he did say
but i dont believe that bullshit at all.
infact, i think a glimpse of your truthfullness was let out
don't try...nor begin to THINK you know me
at the slightest.
you don't know what i've been through, or what i have felt in my experiences
and you certainly have no right to believe that i don't know who i am.
life is about constant questioning, answers are not always straight forward
but i continue to seek.
so don't give me your shitty 'i've been there, done that'
or even 'i ask myself these things, so i know myself better'
i can't believe you even insinuated that i was some what of a 'sheep'
GOD. look at yourself.
'i'm a realist'
yeah, bullshit you are.

i will never give you the benefit of the doubt.