my birthday

it's crazy to think i've survived two decades.
officially a non-teen. slightly grown up... but then, slightly not.

i haven't blogged in a while, don't really know what to say.
sometimes it feels like a chore having to write this... but i'll write this one today
because i know, sometimes i forget...

sometimes i put myself down a lot, thinking that if i give myself pressure, i'll perform better.
but then things just get distorted and i break down.. i forget to give myself encouragement.

so today, i'll write this blog to remind myself of the things i've achieved in the past year...
i was really upset last night because i thought i didn't really achieve much in the past year...
until ben pointed it out to me last night.

and i ever get in trouble this year, lose my way - hopefully i can read this blog again and remind myself of the things i've achieved, and the things i have yet to achieve.

last year, brought upon many opportunities for me...

i started uni, with the intention of doing well. ofcourse, i already knew what i was up against... but until i really experienced commerce myself, i had no idea how hard i had to work towards a h1. so in my sem 1, i got distinctions for 3 of my subjects, sadly just recieved a pass for law. in semester 2, i worked even harder, and hence... achieved my goal of NOT seeing any p's in my transcript. although i was just a first year, i wanted a head start in everything. i wanted to open my opportunities early, knowing it would be much harder with greater competition if i left it until second or third year. i applied for the deloitte development day. after experiencing 2 days at a big 4, being able to shadow a director...... i was able to conclude: this is what i wanted to do for the time being. it wasn't long before i recieved a call from the HR asking me to come in for a partner interview in march 2010. after the interview, i was really doubtful of my performance.. but i knew i tried my best... and luckily, a few days later i received an offer for a summer vac work position. so this summer, i'll be at doing some vac work.. hopefully i'll be able to get a grad offer if i do well. but i know, i'll have to work even harder for that.

i have to admit, i sacrificed a lot for uni. there were many birthdays, parties and events that i could have gone to, but i chose my work over these things. that's not to say... i don't socialize. that's definitely not true. instead, i found my close knit of friends. friends i could rely on, friends that wouldn't pull away from me, just because i decided to choose uni over them. no, they too, are studious - and i love them for that. they make me feel comfortable and never left out. they aren't the high maintenance type, but instead, they comfort me when i am in need. i've never been the corny type, and they cater to that. true friends are hard to find, i'm lucky that i've found mine.

i used to be really good at noticing the changes i go through. i used to be much more reflective than i am now... but even so, i know i have changed over the past year. i've developed a greater awareness of my surroundings. i've learnt how to present myself in a professional environment, i've learnt to network and have overcome my fear of talking to people. i have become much more competitive... and maybe to some people, that isn't a good thing. but it keeps me going. i've had a fair few disappointments, but it only makes me want to work harder and achieve more. i've learnt how to set goals, how to pace myself... and all of these things are done because i hope that one day, i'll reap the benefits. be able to look back, and say that i have never regretted anything i've done in life. maybe to some people, this doesn't seem like "enjoying uni life", but i think of the things i can and will achieve in the future; i immediately know it is what i want. the rest of it, is not a want... not even a need.

i admit i did not know how to juggle uni and friends at the same time. however, i now know how to, and am proud that i haven't lost myself in all of this.

this year, i plan to.....

1. do whatever it takes to stimulate my brain (seriously, in a non-sexual way). i want to train my brain to react faster to situations, be able to read people better and to be able to converse with others in an effective manner
2. MAINTAIN my average, and if possible, raise it!!! don't set myself benchmarks... or believe in limits... sometimes miracles will happen if you just keep trying!
3. some how.. fix my english language. it's deteriorating... finally happening. need to keep reading, keep improving!
4. find a way to control my moodiness.. this one is a hard one, but i know it is important that i try.


hoping this year will be a good one,

signing off now!