do we all have the capacity to analyse every situation?

or, is it that what makes us all differ... is the degree in which we are able to analyse different situations?

i suppose, our backgrounds and experiences affect us in the way we interpret information... and hence, translate to different reactions and actions...

it is even harder when we try to impose our opinion onto others as a way to change how others think and feel towards certain things.

conflicts, arguments.

*******

so, i ended up getting another offer.. not from pwc but nonetheless, just as good - just as happy.

i decided to give myself a little treat since i've been so stressed out lately... so i went on a massive ebay spend.

it is.. VERY dangerous when i feel like spending.. because i end up overspending...!

so in a few short sentences, these are the three buys i have made recently and am currently waiting patiently for :)

1. kiss me liquid eyeliner. heard it is good, never been a big fan of liquid eyeliner because i feel it gives solid lines when i always opt more of a soft smudgier look. but worth a try..



2. very impulsive buy, but i got the warm 88 palette by coastal scents. i bought some ebay 88 palette last time with all the bright and shimmery colours that i'll ever need.. but i figured i really want a warmer palette for everyday use. HOWEVER. i know that the quality of these things are just average.. and personally, i dont feel like all eyeshadow colours work for me. i don't really like seeing myself with red eyeshadow or yellow. someitmes purple is okay and so is green.. but very rare. these palettes are good cos they are cheap and allow me to experiment and then perhaps, later on i'll buy similar colours in better quality. wow. what a gay rant.



3. i am very excited about this. the urban decay naked palette. i know, after that 88 palette above.. it's like - why do you need another one? but.. i couldn't resist. the colours look so pretty, and useable. i think it'd be a palette that is fab for travelling, esp since i always travel to and from my s/o's house. from neutral to smokey, this palette looks like it could do it all. i can't wait to get my hands on it. had to buy it for... a really crazy price, but i figured :( treat myself to some goodies!

ok, so.... got rejected

which is nothing new to this field of work. it is so competitive, there are only limited spots, people are bound to not get in. even though it's hard, i wouldn't choose any alternative easy route to the destination, just because it is not the best-of-the-best; i only want the best for myself.

so i spent a couple of days moping over it, it was the first time i got rejected, which it sometimes can be a bit hard.

i think i conjured up in my mind.. that .. in order to feel worthy, to feel like my efforts were not put to waste, to feel like i was.. substaintially "smart" and could match up to those elites within the field... i needed it. and i needed it to indicate to myself that i was smart. i know of quite a few people who think exactly like me... i suppose it can be a good motivation, but when u don't achieve it... you feel really let down. i know this post contradicts what i wrote in my previous blog, but i am human and i am real. i can only deal with my emotions as they come, sometimes they are not as i anticipate it to be.

i suppose rejection will always hurt, but you learn to deal with it and soon it becomes more bearable.

this is enough for the night, enough for the weekend. need to relax it out, take a deep breath and keep working hard.

it's 12:18am atm, i'm about to go to sleep. but i will blog before i go to bed...

i had an assessment day today. turns out my phone interview was not TOO bad and actually got a call back.

half way during the assessment day... i thought to myself... why am i doing this? honestly.. why am i putting myself in these nerve-racking situations? why did i start commerce? why did i want to apply for big 4 firms? is it because i have no idea what i like? because a part of me still doesn't know if i truly like commerce. i think I've made myself believe i do, but do i truly? does it matter if i don't really like it? what else would i be doing if i didn't like it?

i admire people who find passion. i admire people who know what they like... people who have a strong inclination to certain things/jobs/ideas. i personally don't carry that OTT driven passion for commerce, i suppose it is more so.. settling. is it wrong?

i don't think so.

i've always thought of myself as a hater for those who are fake. for those who... do something they don't truly like... because i've always thought it just shows that you are not genuine.. or true to myself. but i've come to this cross roads where i'm facing the situation. infact, i am a floater. i don't know what i like. but i don't think it is wrong to try different things. perhaps one day, i'll hit the jackpot.

i had a partner interview today.. and one of the questions was "what was a change that was imposed on to you, and how did you deal with it? what did you learn about yourself in the process?"

to that question, i answered ... university. university was and still is a big change for me. i suppose i just randomly dove into commerce, not knowing what to expect.. but it's a chance i took.. and it's this chance that has led me to where i am today.

albeit, i do have one offer already under my sleeve. and i might just be too greedy going to this assessment today because i want another summer vac job.

but today.. after my assessment.. i told my s/o about every detail. and to that, he replied in the most honest manner "i am proud of you". he was proud of me... not just because i had the courage to turn up or because i am willing to face rejection... he was proud of me because after all my experiences, i have truly learned something. i have learnt to be much more confident in myself and in my abilities. i have not only found that confidence in myself, but i have the ability to show it to others. i suppose it was really evident in the interview because i thought to myself... "hey, i have the ability to steer this interview into any direction i like". and that is a quality which is not easy to accomplish.

i've learnt so much about myself.. and only good can come of this. whether it be a rejection or another offer, we will just have to see.

sometimes i set expectations for myself which are too challenging or too high to achieve. this serves as a good motivator, but at the same time, sometimes i don't give myself enough credit or refuse to see how good i really am. but in the end, the journey ... might just be more important.

"aim for the moon; even if you miss you will land among the stars"

i had a phone interview today.

i thought.. i was really prepared. but i guess i wasn't.

i forgot that they would ask me something like that, i didn't prepare for it.. now i'm stuck here

feeling so guilty, full of regret.. because it could have been my only chance....

T_T

if i don't get it, then it's my really.. MY BAD.

i didn't prepare well enough.......

I AM SO ANNOYED!!! :(