ok here we go..again

motivation is on a low simmer right now
and i should .. i SHOULD SHOULD
be up to some real hardcore work

so a few things have been bothering me lately
lets see..
1. EXAMS......like, chello? i mean.. i know the exams are coming soon .. but yet i can't bloody get my inspiration mottos running............!! i actually have the nightmare of going into an exam with my head only half empty and my heart full of regret that i haven't started studying for my exams yet. seriously. put i'm not getting that push i need to get the process going - oh no! :(
2. MY HAIR.. i know, i know. i talk about this a lot. but i really want to cut it short .. just because and because and because. BUT at the same time, there are lots of reasons why i don't want to cut it. i was so tempted to cut it on friday.. HEHehehe but no-one knows :) ... wait .. hm(??)
3. MY EMPTY WALLET............. yup, since the formal, my wallet has been cleared out. i mean, i've been working..... but i can't seem to save it up.. because, well, for one - i find it absolutely useless to be saving what i am making out of teaching because in the end, it is me who has to get moeny off my parents if iw ant to go out - which, i don't want to do....... :(
4. MY UNBELIEVEABLEY BORING LIFE well, ok - it's not THAT boring, it's just.. sometimes, i'd like something out of the ordinary. like.. an adventure. or that someone would just surprise me .... with anything, for that matter. (not hinting not hinting not hinting)
5. MYSELF. yep, that's the last one. i actually, really, annoy the shit out of myself. i'm not a psycho... it's more so, i don't like the way i see things or react to things.. or want things in particular ways. i know that i expect things done in certain ways.. because.. well, i'm a perfectionist. and if you don't have it my way, then i just won't talk to you. that's how i am, that's how i've always been. for some time, i've actually accepted myself for being so stuck up like this, and i've managed to convince myself that.. well.. i'm tammy, and tammy deserves the best (i still see no wrong in looking at it from this POV, IMO) but yknow..... i'm not that oblivious to my true self.. and i know, there are many cases where applying this is wrong. lately, i've resisted (well, i think i have, you may not!) myself and actually held back and applied the so called ' i don't care ' , laid back outlook. boy-O-BOY. it' s hard, but i suppose it makes others life much easier. in the end, i am a girl, who just wants to be appreciated. yes, words are great to show appreciation, but as the cliche goes ' actions speak louder than words '.

so here's a little plea for some help to solve my problems
1. lecture me, yknow... do that thing where u make me feel so bad for not studying and then i end up becoming a study 'whore'
2. let me cut my hair short (please) and if you are reading this (you know who you are because i msged you to read this) let me cut my hair short, and please, still love my for who i am :(
3. feed my wallet (i know this one will never happen, but i thought it'd be cool to chuck it in the list)
4. SHOW ME SOME LURRRRRRVE BABYYYYYY!!!