have you ever noticed...
what you worry about?
what stresses you out and can't make you sleep at night?

is it work? is it relationships? is it the question of life? or yourself?

i believe for a person to fully gain inner strength, you have to.. you must
worry about all these four things. if you don't stress about work - you may well be moving ahead with relationships in your life, but you are clearly not moving on with the society... hence, you'll be bogged down once you come to realise there are so many people who have done so much with their lives, and here you are with the puppy dog eyes giving them the admiration. ambition is important.

if you don't stress about your relationships you have around you.. well, you're going to lose a big part of yourself too. humans need to be loved, humans need to be accepted. if you find that you are all for selfishness and the satisfaction of your own benefits.. well, you'll realise you'll have all the glory you wanted.. but no-one to share it with. humans don't like to be lonely - we don't like to admit it... but it is absolutely true. true to the core.

for the last two... if you don't worry over yourself, or that you don't worry over life - you're in trouble too. trying working at a superficial level and simultaneously not giving anything back to yourself. you have to be a LITTLE selfish. if you just let yourself slip and continue to conform with society... without realizing what you're doing - you have become a sheep. a person with no views is a disaster. a person who constantly follows other's views.. well, that's disaster x2.

i'm all for originality - once it has been proven that there is such thing is originality. there is no such thing as originality.. and even if there is, it shouldn't even be important. people constantly steal off each other - humans work that way. individuality on the other hand, is about mixing these so called ideas, creating different combinations according to your own morals, values and beliefs

ok i'm done.

i never really liked drinking chinotto
i think it's the bitter after taste.. that makes u want to continuously gulp it down
just so u dont have to reach the end..
but lately, i've been drinking it everytime i go to some italian restaurant
and it's not that bad anymore.. infact, i quite like the bitter after taste now

and trying to draw some comparisons here..

is love, similar to my experience with chinottos?
is it that... at first, you don't really love chinotto..
and then u start getting more of it, and then u just end up
loving it?
so.. you can grow to love?

or is love.. an in and out thing.
when i mean in and out, i don't mean anything sexual... dah.
as in, sometimes you love chinotto.. and other times you despise the bitterness
is that what love is like?
love is there when you need it, and you're allowed to neglect it if you don't?

i don't believe a person needs to be loved by everyone at the same time
infact, i'd like to think a person doesn't need to be loved in order to survive
WRONG.
humans need love, why else would we need each other?
we need others for our self benefits.
so we, ourselves, can feel less isolated, and a little less lonelier than we were before

i've been told once... (perhaps many times, but this one time it stuck by me)
that i always want things done in a particular way
or i want people to do things for me, MY WAY - and no other
i absolutely agree with you, it's in my nature
and as 'drama-queen' ladidah as it is, that's how i am
that's how i've always been... and although i've tried to change in teh past
it's a trait that continuously pops up in my life
i have a time of my life trying to reason with myself when i don't get my ways
and i know it's totally obnoxious, immature and selfish
but i'm not perfect, nor do i intend to be.
all bad things are allowed to turn into good - and mine?
well..... can't think of one right now
i have no idea what im talking about anymore
peace sir!

i got stranded outside my house today because i had no keys.

my mum came all the way from work to open the door for me.. and she got me dinner. i found a note next to a bowl of food saying: tammy, 记得吃这个！好好吃的！

not because it's mother's day... but just that moment, i realized how much i love my mum. there have been countless times where she'll stop what she's doing.. and sacrifice her time, just because i'm being a bitch and complaining that i can't get home... or that i need this and that. my mum is willing to do what it takes to make me happy.. and when i'm sad, when i cry.. my mum is there to give me a hug - or try and buy things to make me smile again. my mum is the one who sleeps on the couch outside my room, making sure my fever isn't too high... or that when i'm about to puke - someone is there to clean up the mess :(

my mum is the one that listens to me rant about my friends and how much they piss me off. she's the one listening to me rant about my dad bagging me, or when my brother decides to pull a massive bad prank on me.

she does so much for me, and yet in return.. she doesn't ask for anything but my love. i admit.. at times i've been a horrible daughter. i take her for granted, i ask for too much, i yell at her just because i can.. and when she asks me to tell her i love her - i refuse.

sometimes i refuse to show affection - i'm sorry for those times. i'm sorry for the times i made you worry, for the times i make you angry because i want everything my way. i'm still just as immature and naive.. and just because i'll be hitting the big 18 tmr, doesn't mean i've grown up yet - i haven't.

i still need your love and care

i hope you know that

<3

happy mother's day mum.

my current favourite cake...

new york baked cheesecake.

creamy, firm, filling texture slight lemony flavour
- not too light and fluffy, and not too sweet

tastes..... <333
i love cheesecakes.