I've never realised how much I love and appreciate structure in my life.

I love planning, love organising and love things done a certain way - my way.

So when I'm trying to study for property market analysis - my last exam - i get really... really.. REALLY.. frustrated.

I'm not sure if this is how all environmental subjects are structured (or more so, unstructured)... but it annoys me when lectures do not coincide with tutorials. It also annoys me that there is no clear guideline on what is going to be on the exam... and it frustrates me even more when the readings we are meant to complete is from a university written text book (which technically, isn't written by the professors as it is only extracts from other sources) containing too much information which we didn't even look over in lectures. I hate that the lecturer is so slack, I hate that he skips over slides and says "you should know this".

All of this... leads to... demotivation, boredom and plenty of struggling.

Which just goes to show, I get quite lost when things aren't structured.

I'm lost and don't know how to approach this...

*

He is leaving next week.

Although I try and stay strong, not show any signs of sadness from the outset..

It shatters me on the inside.

what does it mean to be a good person?

"love thy neighbor as thyself"... this is a tricky one. so often, under different circumstances, we immediately act bitchy and horrible without thinking of being a good person.

for instance, don't we often use this excuse for being mean to someone "well, they did so and so to me first, so i'm allowed to be this way towards them too"? is this a justifiable reason? are we being a good person?

or sometimes, we say "no, i'll be the bigger person and i'll let this go" - by placing ourselves on a pedestal and comparing ourselves to others, does that serve as a reason for us to consider someone as a good person?

maybe, being a good person means being yourself. amongst all the insanity in this world, you remain true to yourself. act the way you want, dress the way you want - is that what we would call a good person?

there are so many different ways people can define the term "good person"... there is no right, no wrong answer. but i believe no matter how horrible human beings can be, at different stages of our lives, we share glimpses of each others definitions.

there is good in everyone.

deep down, the biggest judgment we are afraid of....is our own.

a lot of the times, we're so used to judging others the minute we meet them that we don't realize what it is actually doing to our inner self. i mean, we've become so used to it that it is actually impossible for us to control ourselves and have neutral judgments when we meet a new person.

WE ARE AFRAID OF WHAT OTHERS THINK OF US BECAUSE WE ARE AFRAID OF WHAT WE THINK OF OURSELVES.

that is, we are scared of what others think of us... because in return, it may mean that there is something "not quite right" about ourselves.... but this "not quite right" attribute.. or flaw if you may put it, is on our own discretion. others do not have the power to tell you what is acceptable or what is unacceptable... it is in our own mind, that we create our own criteria of what SHOULD be acceptable - and you know, taking into consideration of values, backgrounds, beliefs. i mean, others do have the power to influence us.. but it is our own interpretations of these influence that cause us to judge ourselves.

*

i have been studying all week. it is slowly killing off my brain cells.
so tonight, i will be heading to crown to go look at crown towers venue for ant's wedding.
after that, hopefully eat at the pub with bb and then back to work to study T_________T"
how delightful.
this semester hasn't gone the way i would have liked it to, but i guess...
there's no time for complaining.
just make the most of the time you have!

keep running that race!!

if i ever plotted my pms moods on a graph, it'd look like a rollercoaster ride.

*

so my study room is looking kinda good now... since we've taken the bed out and totally cleared the place. i'm thinking... maybe i should change it to a half study, half make up, half handbag room. i mean, the room isn't HUGE... but i think it'd be good to put all those bags in there... since they are currently hanging in my wardrobe. a really bad way of looking after my bags i must say... they get hung up, but just get kicked around because i always knock into them. my collection of bags.....hmm, i dont know. i've never been really "into" bags... and i always buy them at the spur of the moment. hence, i don't have particular styles.... they are all similar in colour and style. maybe i should look into a better set. although, for some reason, i never like the look of little small handbags on me - it's a me thing.

so the problem also with my makeup is that everyday i'm actually doing my makeup in my bathroom... NOT a huge problem, but i just think it's annoyin with the sink.... i'm thinking maybe get a dressing table in my study room and then do my makeup and hair there in the morning... which isn't such a bad idea because whilst waitin for my curler / straightner to heat up.. i could pack my bag =) not too far away from each other!!!!!!!!

hmmm....... what to do.....