the fear

just before i go study my ass off for some hc accounting.........

i believe ... as individuals, we too often say that 'we can't do it'
"i can't do it anymore, it's too hard, i can't imagine myself doing it"

these negative thoughts are all surrounded - undoubtedly - by fear.
too often do we try and predict the future, try to foresee what will be
and when we convince ourselves of a negative outcome..
we freeze in the present, and wish time would stop so we won't have to continue...

but.

maybe we just have to stop thinking... just for a while.
stop anticipating for what will be, blindfold our emotions...
and just do it.

you won't know until you've done it....
and as scared as you will be
by the end of it, you'll see that
you've hid a part of yourself,
kept your eye on the goal.
and have pushed yourself to the limit....

that my friend, is called - no regrets.


goodluck to anyone going through exam period! see you at the end of the tunnel!

i feel ..

when you're so used to seeing someone on weekends, speaking to someone everyday..... it's not (or it shouldn't) amaze you if they become attached - as i am with my s/o.

his great grandmother passed away the other day, so he has to go praying in the mountains every sat and praying at the temple every sun...... for the next 7 weeks. now, i know i am the biggest whinger(sp?) in the world........ but it just breaks my heart.... A LOT when i am away from him on weekends. feels like my weekend is incomplete when i don't get to spend the whole of sat/sun or friday nights with him.

when stuff like this happens, i start questioning whether i am every going to be independent enough, like i once was. will i be able to be without him?

i get so grouchy when i don't get to see him...... and i know i got a bit angry at him last night...... but is it excusable because i just really, really, REALLY enjoy spending time with him?

i'm not sure.

and i have turned into a dependent, attached, un-able-to-function-without-him freak.

that's starting to scare me.

being appreciative....

i am, a very lucky girl. there are so many things that have gone right in my life... the things i want and long for usually come straight to me........ but sometimes straight after that, i tend to take it for granted.

my mum... whenever she goes shopping with me, if i walk by something i like but am unwilling to buy cos of its $$........ she will see it in my eyes. i think it breaks her heart, so she ends up buying it for me.

my dad... if i ever forget any sort of hw or important documents... he will resched his whole day and make time to bring it to me, even if it means driving to the other side of town.

my brother... is willing to risk his L's license plate to come pick me up from the station cos he doesn't want me to stand around at the station in the dark...

my family is willing to buy me a new car first, rather than spending the money on themselves for a new family car.

my boyfriend... would drive all the way down to my place if he knew i was upset with him and he would stay and make sure i'm ok.. and then drive all the way back home. even if it meant seeing me for an hour.

so many things to be thankful for... my friends tell me that i have a huge wardrobe..... that i have so many clothes...... and yet i continue to want more more more. i don't need some of these things.... maybe in the future, when i find a proper job... i'll justify reasons to buying expensive branded clothing... but right now, i think i'm happy where i am.

sigh. i don't know what to write, or how to write about anyhting anymore
everything in my head is a tad muddled...... because i keep coming up with new thoughts, opinions and ways of viewing things.

i just know that, right now... i don't lead a dramatic lifestyle
something i prefer
but instead i stick my head into other people's business.
like he says 'it's not your call'
but girls are always like that, we like to MAKE that call, try to FIX things.
i shuld shutssssz

anyway, our 2 year anniversary saw us doing nothing. harhar! we are both pretty lazy...
ended up just having a nice dinner.... at glen LOL
god i dont know, i'm not really demanding of somehting
last year i was... i wanted to experience it.. but this year is really 'whatever'
BUT he did buy me bettinas.....if that makes it any better.....
now we just have to figure out what he wants!

sigh. i can't get enough of him.
:(
but sadly, he is at geelong for work this week (U)
HEART BROKEN TO MAX

everyone keeps talkin abt exams
i really
need
to
start
working
HOW COME MY MIND HASN'T PROPERLY COME TO TERMS
THAT MY EXAMS ARE IN 3 WEEKS...........
WHAT HAPPENED TAMMY???

hehe this is almost like a tammy<-> emily convo
hardihar! love love!

i found this amusing hehe - Gosh, blogging is really about the self centred and self absorbed and constantly cries "look at me look at me, my life is interesting and all things wonderful, envy me"-

which is, kinda true for some people lol
:)

anyhows, ben stayed over for the past 2 days
i love his company, but after 2 days......... i feel like i don't want him to leave :(
he lives so far away, it's not like a 5 min drive or anything...
but hums! he does make me happy and he continuously tries to please me.
too many people around me, including myself, find themselves stumbling over people that
we usually don't have a vision of dating/falling in love with
and we get criticized by others who think they know better
how many times have we heard 'oh he/she is not your type'
life is unpredictable like that though.
we make relationships with these people
my point is, it doesn't really matter if they weren't what you thought they would be...
what matters is that they are willing to try please you, in any way possible
and that they continuously try to do so.....

anyways, i bought a suit.
it is actually pretty SHIT. because i go shoppin wiht ben for his suits....... where you can find decent, average priced, good qual ones ( i mean, ones that are $300 are pretty good i rkn)
but for girls...... its like, 'lets jack up the price for ladies because they are shopoholics and we shall take advantage of that'.
i spent $500 bucks on a bloody black, plain, fitted suit.
now, for a first suit, i'm feeling OK just because i'm praying that this suit finds me my bloody first job.
but really, if you look for cheaper suits - in which i did - you find that the pants, suit jacket and skirt shape are all made pretty poorly. makes me AGRO

i havent checked my twitter in ages........there was really no fun in it - i need to new twitter friends harhar

went yumcha y'day with ben ........ and dad came to pay HAHAH funny. at night we did wine tasting. i must admit, we're getting pretty good at this shiz because we both come up with the same descrptions. i'm really hoping i dont fail this wine course......... i will be so shattered. i'm not sure if i will be able to go through my exams (U)

toodles for now!

too many of us let the world pass us by
myself included.
i've forgotten how to appreciate the little things in life.. like sunshine and greenery

i'm sure that if i look back at my blogs, every so often i make a blog like this.

but i suppose... the course i'm doing is really changing my outlook in life, my goals in life.
i set standards high and aim to achieve them, but along the way
i forget to stop and see the beauty life does bring......

*

anyhows, i'm really delaying myself on this blogging thing
i feel like i should write only when i feel like it (thats whn i have something to say)
but when i do, i'm stuck on words.
i should just do this everyday - or try to.

next week is deloitte development day program
HRM.... i'm really excited about it
however, this also means i need a suit before next thurs.
the trouble is, suits look pretty terrible on a short, stubby girl like moi.
not to mention, it's bloody impossible to find a REASONABLE priced, nice fitting one these days
(SUGGESTIONS IN COMMENTS - ANYONE?)
now, i know i am a big complainer.. and i pretty much disregard what everyone else sees in the mirror.. but i really think i a suit + pants is really not my thing. but i love it so much! (maybe i have yet to find hte right one) but there is something about my body shape which doesnt really work. FAR OUT, WHY CAN'T I LOOK LIKE THIS??



my s/o tells me that girls that wear suits look manly, personally i don't think i look manly but i DO think that it gives me a curvy look - perhaps too curvy. shietz gaining weight badzors!

anyway, i've also decided to sell off a lot of my clothes on ebay. ok, i've mentioned ebay A LOT on my facebook...... so i've risen to a new level of actually selling things (this idea is still fairly new to me) i feel like i need a new wardrobe...... and the only way to make room, is to sell it. kinda sad because my clothes are like my children, and i can't possibly imagine them at another's house. i hope people look after it... and not throw them on the ground or chuck holes in them :| gaahh

additionally, people will be aware of this sooner or later.. but i purchased hair extensions on ebay. now, I KNOW i was the one to say 'omg i love my short hair ladidahdahdahdahd' and then grow to a phase where i wanted long hair again.. it has finally reached the peak where anyone who has long hair and has natural curls..... well, i almost want to strangle them and then cut their hair off. ha, i joke. so yea, hair extensions is yay-zor. BUT after new findings, i won't be purchasing the clip on ones.. no no no, i bought micro-ring hoop haiar extensions, they are quite weird, but i think they willl be quite good. they were on sale btw MUHAHAHha ai love sale

went with var to dfo today to look for a suit....... i saw SHOES instead, which i didn't buy.. but i think i will go back and get them. but i'mjust a bit iffy.....because i really want the HIGH stilettos (yes i know abt the pain) just becauase talking to ppl when u are short is really uncomfortable. i'd rather be at least...... talking to someone and not having to stand too far away in order to not have my head at 180 angle to talk to them. but then, there were also these half heel'ed ones....... i'm not against them, quite comfy really....... but the height is just not there.. SUGGESTIONS, AGAIN?

god people never give me suggestions
sigh sigh sigh.

have to start studying for exams
really nerve racking ones this time, i want to improve my avg
AND I REALLY DON'T WANT TO FAIL.

last week i did a wine course with zeee luvluv and eevonzorrr and some others
it was intense, but i have a fairly good time and now a better knowledge abt wines!

apart from that, nothin from the norm.
my lover ...... ok, this is crazy but, next week is 2 years
and i am still
very
much
in love with him.
he drives me up the wall, but i love every part of it.
i suppose, any relationship can go through the really rough patches
but we all look forward to the good times..... that's what counts right?

planning to get him mont blanc pennnnn :) $$ hole in my wallet!