I said I'd try.

And I really am, I keep reminding myself that I have to try really hard to get to know her, to try to accept her... because what is important to you, is important to me. But it bugs me that I have to remind myself to try. At one point, I thought I had convinced myself that I was over it, but the feelings are back. And trying right now, seems unbelievably hard.

I want to be a good partner, a good girlfriend. I know you're not perfect, and a lot of the times I set unreasonably high expectations but yet you continue trying.. and I appreciate that. I see it, I am aware of it, and I try to show you in many ways that I appreciate it.

But what happened... even though it happened a couple of months ago... I still feel the pain. My mind tells me it was innocent, it was an honest mistake... but what the mind thinks, doesn't contain what the heart feels.

All this negativity I feel towards her, it hasn't stopped there. I feel like I dislike everyone in that group. I really wish I wasn't like this, I really want to accept them... but yet, I feel jealous every time you are out with them, I feel annoyance every time I hear their names.

I've been thinking of many ways to get over it, but with you spending so much time with them, it makes it all the more harder. Maybe the truth is... I've lost trust in you. I never thought this could happen.... and I hate that it might be the truth. I've tried asking myself, would I have done the same? No. Because I'm willing to sacrifice. I'm at the point where, if I knew you didn't like it, I'd sacrifice it, without needing you to ask me.

I'm scared of asking you to sacrifice her. It's not fair, I know. You would be so hurt... and I hate seeing you hurt. I don't feel any anger... just....

....a lot of pain. A lot of heart break. I've been shaken to the core, somewhere quite deep. Our petty arguments are nothing compared to what I am feeling right now.

Can you trust someone again after something like this? I guess... after being with you for so long, I never thought something like this would happen to us... I never thought I would feel as though I didn't trust you. I feel so insecure, I don't even think you understand it.

This feeling is so familiar... does it all go downhill after this like it did in the past...?

These thoughts just keep coming back... again and again.

I'd love to get over it - but how?